Losing my religion...

Before the coverage gets too overwhelming I just want to say big ups for Ashley Smith, the Christian lady that talked the Atlanta killer down and saved her own life in the process. The news keeps talking about her "bravery," and hell yeah she was brave... but more than that she was compassionate. She engaged with this guy and showed human kindness to him... even though he was probably among the people least deserving of any sympathy on that day. I think if people want to know "What Would Jesus Do," well one of the things he might do is make eggs for a homicidal maniac who was holding him hostage.

And I don't think Brian Nichols can blame his shit of the fact that very few of the so-called Christians act like they are. But it would sure be a better country if all those churches taught Ashley Smith's kind of Christianity.

'Nuff said about that...

I've been really struggling with my attitude about religion over the past days and weeks. I have really tried to embrace a sense of God in the world, ever since I went to the vipassana retreat where Trudy Goodman talked about God (the weekend Shari left me, hmm). I have seen other people's faith and thought it seemed to be a centering influence in their lives. But it really doesn't seem to be taking with me. In good times and bad, I think about God and thank God or ask for strength... but it seems hollow to me.

I am a spiritual person, and I do still hold a very strong connection to my practice. I am superstitious and pagan as ever, if not more so... but God and religion really don't seem to be a part of my world. And so, recently, I've been getting more and more OK with that. I am, after all, a thoroughly postmodern man. And, for all the Tarot cards and ritual, I'm a computer scientist and a Philly hardhead. So I feel like what I am after is what's called an integral spirituality, bringing together the seemingly disconnected worlds of science and spirit.

So where I will end up in my relationship with God is anybody's guess. I don't intend to give up my fondness for the Catholic liturgy, rosary beads, my Tarot or my athame. But I'm reaching towards a higher place, and that feels good.

If scary.