unknowingness

I opened a book at random today, feeling directionless and unclear about what I should be focusing on. The book was The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I opened it to Chapter 12, "Be Willing to Change Everything in Your Life." The chapter begins:

A man must be prepared to give 100% to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living.

I have been feeling increasingly worn down lately with sort of playing the waiting game before my trip. It's like I feel my inward journey can't begin until the outward one does. What's been challenging to me is "keeping the decks clear" until the trip begins. I want to just be wide-as-the-ocean open to whatever presents itself as I travel.

Of course I'm daydreaming and fantasizing about living in particular places and having certain careers. There's no way for me not to do that, and I won't even try. But what is coming clear for me is that the trip has already begun. So I am opening my eagle eyes right now, and keeping them open.

Deida writes, later in that same chapter:

There is no way to rush this process... it is important to open yourself to a vision of what is next You stay open to a vision of your deeper purpose by not filling your time with distractions... consciously keep yourself open and available to receiving a vision of what is next. It will come.